After much deliberation, I’ve recently determined the following is, objectively, the most epic song ever written. What is it, you ask?
The Soulforged, by Blind Guardian
In case you’re curious, the song itself is about a character named Raistlin Majere from the Dragonlance series of novels. From Wikipedia:
Born to a mother prone to trance-like fits and a woodcutter father, Raistlin inherited his mother’s aptitude for magic. He undertook the arduous Test of Sorcery, which he passed, but in the process acquired golden skin, and was cursed with hourglass eyes which see the effects of time on all things. His health, while never robust, was ruined further, leaving him weak and subject to frequent bouts of coughing blood. Initially wearing the red robes of neutrality, as the first series progresses Raistlin’s powers increase while his mood and actions darken, and he eventually adopts the black robes of evil part-way through the War of the Lance.
Raistlin, although physically very weak, is extremely intelligent, and possesses uncommonly powerful magical abilities. While ruthless in his pursuit of power, he holds to a code of conduct which repays all debts and protects those disadvantaged through no fault of their own. His relationship with his much stronger, better-liked and good-natured twin brother Caramon is fraught with tensions as Caramon seeks to protect and shelter his weaker brother, while denying his cruelty and penchant for hurting any others while in pursuit of his goals.
But who cares about all that? All that matters is that amazing drum fill at 4:00 in. And the awesome guitar riffs throughout the song. And a chorus that might just inspire me to finally finish this novel. Yes, it is epic, and this is not up for discussion.